You're pleased with something you've made, so you show it to someone you love. Their response is lukewarm. Suddenly you're less pleased. You start looking for a flaw you might have missed. Perhaps they have a useful observation. Sometimes, though, they haven't said much at all, and you've already decided your work isn't worth anything.
It can happen over small things. When it happens often enough, you begin waiting for someone else's opinion before knowing whether you're happy with yourself.
Stop begging for love outside yourself
In the video, I talk about learning to love yourself as you are, even when someone rejects you. Some people will understand you; others won't feel comfortable with you. If every rejection makes you turn against yourself, trying to satisfy them will wear you out.
Of course it feels good to be loved and appreciated. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't need people or enjoy their affection. But if you can only accept yourself when they approve of you, you keep needing fresh confirmation. A kind word reassures you today, and a small comment unsettles you again tomorrow.
Listen to what people actually say
People have opinions about your work and how you should live. Some know you well and may be pointing out something important. Others may want you to live a life they couldn't manage themselves, or meet expectations that make them unhappy too.
Being rejected doesn't automatically make you right and everyone else wrong. If you've made a mistake, look at it. If someone gives you useful feedback, use it. Try to hear the actual comment before turning it into “I'm a failure” or “Nobody loves me.” A particular choice may need changing without making everything about you unacceptable.
Expectations from family
The video is blunt about a mother's love because even our closest relationships can come with difficult expectations. A mother may love her child and worry about them, yet struggle to accept choices that aren't what she imagined. Her love can be genuine while her child spends years trying to please her, barely considering what they want themselves.
Not every family relationship works this way. When it does, cutting contact isn't the only possible response. You may need to explain a decision and accept that your family won't agree immediately. That can be painful, especially if you've grown used to treating their approval as proof that you're doing the right thing.
You can still love them and appreciate their concern while choosing different work or a different way of living. Some decisions are yours to make, even when someone close to you would make them differently.
How do you treat yourself?
Self-acceptance shows up in ordinary situations. When you make a mistake, pay attention to how you speak to yourself. Are you trying to understand what happened so you can put it right? Or are you repeating something harsh you've heard about yourself for years?
You might also notice when you change your mind to keep someone from getting upset. Sometimes you're making a considerate choice because you care about them. Sometimes you're afraid they'll reject you if they know what you want. Understanding why you agreed can help you see what that agreement is costing you.
You can't guarantee that people will love you in the way you need. Even those who do love you can misunderstand you or be occupied with their own lives. That's why I suggest starting with yourself: learn what you feel and want, and get used to treating yourself with care on the days when nobody has anything admiring to say.