Most people around us aren't happy, and in this video I say the reason is simpler than we think: pretending. Instead of facing a problem, accepting it and trying to understand it, it feels easier to act as if everything is fine. We lie to the people around us, and before long we're lying to ourselves as well.
You've seen it, and you've probably done it too. Someone is miserable and puts on a tight, forced smile in front of everyone. Someone is boiling inside and acts like nothing bothers him. Someone else is scared and confused, so he puts on a show of confidence.
When even love turns into an act
The part that bothers me most is love. It's meant to be one of the most precious things God gave us, and between a lot of couples it has turned into lines people say and a role they play. Smooth talk to keep the peace, dodging every hard conversation, a bit like politicians who know exactly what you want to hear.
Live like that for long enough and life goes dry. Everything starts to feel fake and plastic. Even food loses its taste, because you're never fully there for any of it.
Why do we pretend?
Mostly because we're scared of ourselves. We're scared of being alone, and scared of our own anger, anxiety and confusion. So we perform a perfect version of ourselves and tell everyone things are great.
The catch is that the act doesn't fool you. You know what's underneath. And while you're busy hiding it, you can't really grow, because you can't work on something you refuse to look at.
Acceptance is the key
The alternative I talk about in the video is acceptance: accepting your anger, your sadness or depression, your anxiety, your negative feelings and even the way you think. Accepting them doesn't mean you like them or that you'll stay this way forever. It means you stop fighting the fact that they're here right now.
There's a simple rule most of us forget. Whatever you reject or try to run away from keeps chasing you and sticking to you, because you're feeding it attention without noticing. Psychology has a famous experiment on this. In 1987, Daniel Wegner and his colleagues asked people not to think about a white bear. The bear kept popping into their heads while they tried, and when they were later allowed to think about it, it came back even more often.
When you let a feeling be there instead, you'll often notice its grip loosening, sometimes faster than you'd expect.
Living light and honest
If you want a calm, clear head, start practising acceptance with things as they happen, without the endless back and forth in your mind. Lying takes energy. Keeping up an act all day wears you out and leaves very little room for joy or meaning.
An honest person who is at peace with themselves has nothing to hide. They have problems like anyone else, yet they live lightly and easily, simply because they chose acceptance over pretending.
A note: accepting difficult feelings is a healthy step, but it doesn't replace help when you need it. If low mood or anxiety stays with you for weeks, or starts getting in the way of your life, talk to a doctor or a therapist. That's being honest with yourself too.