Let's be honest: most of our relationships are shared interests. I give you something, you give me something. We've just complicated it, and we cover it up with big names: love, friendship, loyalty.
There's nothing wrong with mutual interest in itself. What's wrong is lying to ourselves about what it is.
How long will it stay like this?
Our relationships will stay this way until each of us understands himself, breaks free of his whims and grows in awareness. Only then do we learn to love from the heart, more and more.
Meditation isn't just relaxation
When I talk about meditation on this page, I don't just mean relaxation exercises. It's much bigger than that.
Meditation means training your mind not to cling to anything. It learns to enjoy itself without conditions: without people, without relationships, without money or work. You just close your eyes and you're in a completely different world.
At first this asks for a bit of solitude, learning to enjoy your own company. But at the same time it gives your relationships a much better quality.
When you're not there to beg
Think about it: if you can enjoy yourself on your own, without any relationship with anyone, then when you meet someone you'll have no expectations of them and no judgments. You're not there to use them and squeeze your happiness out of them.
Quite the opposite. You'll be able to understand them, and accept even their judgments of you, or their mistakes with you. So you end up with respect for people and unconditional love, and you won't want to hurt anyone or take things personally.
And the other way round?
If you can't meditate, and don't know how to be alone, you'll keep feeling something's missing, with a restless mind. You'll always be looking for people to keep you company and help you escape the loneliness you're in, and yourself.
And because your happiness is now tied to them, you'll build expectations of them that aren't realistic at all, without even noticing. When they don't live up to them, you start blaming them and attacking them, as if they owed you something.
Read yourself first
That's why I focus on the inner depth. Instead of reading books and stuffing your head with tips on "managing relationships", read yourself first and understand yourself well. Then you can understand others, and build real relationships that mean something.
If you want to start today, try just five minutes: sit on your own, eyes closed, no phone, and notice what happens inside you when there's nobody to distract you. That's the first page of your own book.