Success happens when you stop thinking about it. When you put your whole heart and energy into the step you're taking, instead of staying scared and worrying about the result. That's the idea, and it's what I tried to say in the video.
Success isn't an event
We tend to picture success as one big moment at the end of the road: the degree, the promotion, the trophy at the top of the stairs. If I had to define it, I'd say it isn't something that happens once and is over. It comes out of good steps. Every step you take mindfully and with care is a success in itself, and every moment you spend alert, with your mind there, living it in love instead of fear, is a success too.
So I see success as a chain of moments you spent well, and sincerely.
The stairs
This is logic, not philosophy. Picture yourself climbing the stairs with your mind somewhere else, obsessed with when you'll get home. You might trip and fall, and then blame fate and bad luck. The truth is you didn't make it because you were absent, thinking about arriving more than about how you were climbing, walking and placing your feet.
It isn't only the stairs. Work, study and relationships go the same way: your eyes are on the result and your feet are walking on their own.
The film in your head
If you don't watch it, the mind opens a thousand and one fronts: what people say, fear of what comes next, scenarios that never happened and maybe never will. It drags you back and forth and raises your blood pressure a hundred times over, while you're sitting on the couch eating popcorn and nothing is actually happening to you. All you're doing is watching a film in your head, and that film has turned into a broken record playing the same part again.
What the research says
In 2010 two Harvard researchers, Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert, published a study in Science called "A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind". They used a phone app that pinged people at random times of day and asked what they were doing, whether they were thinking about something other than that, and how happy they felt. People were thinking about something that wasn't happening almost half the time, and in those moments they were generally less happy.
To be accurate about it: the study relies on what people reported about themselves, and it shows a link between mind wandering and mood. It doesn't settle every question about which causes which. When I read it, though, it felt like it was describing the same thing I'm trying to say.
Where to start
There's no big secret. When you notice your mind has gone somewhere else, bring it back to what's in front of you: the step you're on, the task in your hands, the person talking to you. It will wander off again, and you'll bring it back again. That's how it learns.
Try it with small things first: climbing the stairs, drinking your coffee, listening to someone. You don't need to fight your thoughts. Notice them and come back.
In short, success for me means first getting out of the mental clutter you built yourself without realising it. Everything else comes to you naturally when your mind is clean and present and working with you, not against you.
A note: if worry or fear has been taking up most of your day for weeks, or it's affecting your sleep, work or relationships, talk to a doctor or a mental health professional. This article isn't a substitute for that help.